Maybe you are different. Maybe you are really good at asking for help when you feel vulnerable or tender hearted or overwhelmed or caught in something you think you should be able to figure out yourself.
Or maybe you are a lot like me and other health care providers I know who simply put it off until it is REALLY obvious that you MAY be better off with the support of others.
Or maybe you are perfect. (just kidding).
My bet is that finding support around issues with drinking more than you want to is also cloaked in shame. Some call it denial. Maybe denial is what comes forward to the outside. But on the INSIDE, only YOU know if you are drinking more than you think is good for you. Its NOT how it APPEARS. Its all about that inner voice inside you that is telling (screaming?) to STOP THIS! And then there is the other voice: ITS FINE. I"M FINE.
I lived in this dance of the voices for quite some time. It IS filled with shame. Hiding. Lots of judgement that there must be something wrong with YOU that you can't find the balance of moderation or stop just by thinking about it (or just straight up will power).
Then the question came forward: "What if you could EASILY and HAPPILY not be drinking more than you want to??? What if you could drink as much as you wanted to but simply didn't want it any more? What if it wasn't because you are a weak person or someone who just needs to suck it up or someone who is somehow broken? What if IT IS NOT about YOU at all? What if exposure to alcohol, an HIGHLY ADDICTIVE substance is encouraged by social and cultural structures is addictive to EVERYONE? What if there ISN'T a subset of "addictive personalities" or alcoholics?
Studies and more studies show that alcohol is addictive. Period. Factors influencing how quickly the addictive pattern shows up are intertwined with several factors: age of exposure, family environment, trauma, stress connectors, community norms, cultural expectations (I remember how SHOCKED I was to be at parties in the Middle East where dancing and laughter filled the room and not a drop of alcohol was seen.)
So why are we surprised when health care providers find solace in alcohol at the end of the day, on weekends, on holidays when day to day life is FILLED with stressors that accumulate. Stressful events occur such as death of a patient, a lawsuit, toxic co-workers, or unsustainable work expectations we are told NOT to talk about it except in very limited peer protected meetings that often are NOT really very helpful. Do counseling. By all means, seek counseling during your already overbooked life to take care of this we are told. It that really support or more blame/evidence that the PROVIDER is faulty in some way???
We so blame the PERSON ("Drink Responsibly") which distracts from seeing that the health care system is perpetuating overwhelm and burnout with no real regard to address the underlying issues. (Any discussion about productivity expectations from the administration will push any provider to drink)
The advertisement companies slam us with images that alcohol goes along with fun, family, celebrations, sports events, special events. According to them it will make you more sexy, more social, and overall a better person. I want that! Who doesn't?
Except it truly is SO not true. Cancer causing. Death on the roads. Family violence. The Canadians have already come out declaring NO amount of alcohol is healthy.
Will the US follow suit? We will see.
In the meantime:
It is put upon the individual to find their way through the maze of messages promoting alcohol. This is compared to the ACTUAL experience of your internal voice that may be questioning: is this REALLY serving me? Am I BETTER in my life, my work, my relationships, my happiness when I drink this way? What happens if you DON"T change the pattern? Where will you feel about these things 1,3,5 years from now? (knowing that nobody who drinks regularly will be drinking LESS in that time frame- tolerance is a thing)
For some, the motivation moving AWAY from the painful reality of too much alcohol is enough. But for me, and maybe you, I needed to feel like I was moving TOWARDS something kind, compassionate, meaningful, EMpowering, not surrendering power. I wanted to see that life would be BETTER not something torturous filled with restraint and restriction.
Maybe you too are curious: could life be BETTER without this chemical put into your body/brain so often?
Do you need HELP? Not in the sense that someone outside yourself will fix you. Support? That's a completely different offer. There is deep comfort and RELIEF to know there is a circle of love surrounding you. Accepting you. Weaving a net of safety around you so you can find the resources inside with the answers that are only yours. There ARE others who have been there and evidence based strategies that ARE effective to create the changes you long for.
We ALL need our circles of support, safety, places where we can be authentic, real, unmasked so that we learn to allow/accept ALL parts of ourselves.
This. This is what coaching has taught me, continues to teach me, and what is a privilege to share with you.
Reach out and see how you can get to the life you are longing for.
You are worth it.
We all are!
xo Martha
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