Light during hard times

Life gets hard for everyone at some point or another. This is a tricky time for me right now.

No body escapes it. Even those that seem to have it all together, at some point, find themselves struggling. It is human to experience pain.

Someone wiser than me said: suffering is caused when we wish something different than what is. Hmmm. True.

So my day to day intention is to allow, accept, become aware of ALL that is going on within. (ya, ALL the feelings).

Like labor pain, when we lean INTO the pain, allow it, breathe TO it, is somehow FEELS more but becomes more manageable. Even those pesky feelings and critical voices that we think are troublesome? I am learning how to lean INTO them, not push them away. "All are welcome here" (they just can't drive the bus, as my niece so hilariously says).

What's my story? My husband of 40 years (our anniversary is 6/30) has been diagnosed with a weird cancer (high risk MDS) that messes up his bone marrow production of healthy cells. Life expectancy? Median: 1.7 years. Is that from when he was diagnosed in February? From when he started feeling tired on his bike rides? Of course, like everything, nobody really knows. The only treatment option: bone marrow transplant. He has researched this, consulted with experts, and with his brilliant legal mind: declines

Unlike many people, he is quite comfortable knowing that death is part of life. And so that is how we are living: with death being part of life.

The first part:living with figuring out a diagnosis- that part sucks. Not knowing and going from test to test, waiting for results. The only upshot I could come up with is my heart connecting to the many others around the world in the same boat.

Next part: living with the diagnosis. That's where we are now.

Eventually, it will be living with the illness, living with dying, living with death, living with grief, and then maybe, maybe, living a new life without my big hearted, silly, irreverent, and yes, sometimes super annoying husband. (who still loves his martinis most nights).

For now,, for now, life is pretty normal. He is determined to ride his bike as much as he can (most days) and then he will nap.

For me? I feel like I am on a train. How fast? I have no idea.

What can I do?

🔹 Waking up, before touching my phone I say to myself:

"I am grounded and safe.

I trust in the Universe.

I am open to seeing small miracles.

I am giving and receiving love"

🔹After chatting about our day, I head to a chair that is my meditation place. It didn't used to be every day, but after reading BJ Fogg's Tiny Habits, I figured out a way to do it EVERY day. Sometimes its just 3 deep breaths. Other times it is a lengthy guided meditation using Insight Timer app. This has been a game changer for me. THIS is the MOST consistent way I feel noticeably lighter (shifting our inner vibration world).

🔹 Getting out side EVERY day (not hard living in Vermont). But even on the rainy, chilly days, I feel like I've conquered some small resistance barrier by putting on my boots and taking an umbrella out in the elements.

🔹Heart to heart time with friends who encourage me to speak my truth, make me laugh, share stories with.

🔹Body work: every month I see this AMAZING woman. Its like a tune up for everything.

🔹Exercise. Honestly, I'm working on this one. I KNOW it makes me feel SO much better to get out on my bike or yoga. 2-3 times a week is my baseline. Its the next Tiny Habit to weave in.

🔹Eating well. I get side tracked with ice cream and cheetos, but in general, this is something that I've HAD to figure out as food sensitivities give pretty quick feedback to my belly. Not perfect. But life is never perfect.

🔹Journal writing. Not every day. But oh so much spills out and helps me see what is swirling around.

🔹And I would be avoiding the elephant in the room if I didn't mention that I am SO grateful to be going through this now rather than 2 years ago when a bottle of wine went down my throat regularly. I didn't know life without drinking. It seemed like it was just a normal part of my day to day and I believed it helped me like the sky is blue. This ALP (Affective Liminal Process) of exploring the patterns and beliefs around alcohol has been a ticket back to myself. An imperfect self for sure. But one that is free of the foggy alcohol head each morning. AMAZING! To no longer DESIRE alcohol. To see NO more benefits from it in any way. I never ever imagined it.

So.... these are a few things I share that raise up my energy during this tricky time.

What do YOU do?

If you are feeling stuck, PLEASE reach out. It is my deepest joy to see the transformation that happens with the simple but profound connection of coaching.

None of us is perfect. But we are SO much more capable with others along the way.

with love and Light,

Martha