THAT voice. You know the one. The one that you wake up with in the morning after a few too many drinks the night before and tells you what a piece of shit you are.
"You KNOW better!"
"You're so stupid"
"You must be broken"
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??"
"You MUST have a problem"
You're worthless, useless, helpless.
AND: I will not drink so much tonight.
Then, around 5pm, you're making dinner and ANOTHER voice in your head says "its not so bad. You'll feel better. Its no big deal. You'll have more fun tonight. Just open the bottle".....
And you do.
WHAT's the deal?
This battle in our heads where the voices are in conflict is PAINFUL.
We beat ourselves up, feel worse about ourselves, and like most people, when you feel bad you drink MORE not less.
Lasting behavior change does NOT happen with blame, shame, aggression towards ourselves. (or others).
Change happens when:
You take a break from the battle in your head
You are open to learning
You start asking questions in a new way that is curious, not judgmental. MAYBE even a bit of humor comes in. MAYBE even a bit of compassion for your human self comes in.
HOW to do that?
First off: notice the voices bickering at each other. Some people name them (I recommend nothing too offensive,. Remember, these are parts of YOURSELF). Know that BOTH voices, in their own way, are actually trying to HELP you. The one in the morning that beats you up has believed that showing up with criticism will help you want to change. The one in the evening is reacting to the physical part of your brain that has normalized having alcohol with all its chemistry dynamics.
BOTH want the BEST for you. They simply have an old tool that's NOT working. (if the tools were helpful, you wouldn't be here right?)
Open to learning?
What if you aren't weird or broken or unique or to blame for drinking more than you want? What if you are like EVERY person to is exposed to an addictive product over time and repeated amounts and it NATURALLY becomes a habit due to EXPOSURE? Its an adaptive protective process in your brain/body. Tolerance builds. There is SO much to learn about how alcohol effects our physical selves that helps put into perspective just WHY that voice at 5pm get ramped up. (spoiler: It ISN"T because you have no will power).
Next step: STOP TRYING TO STOP drinking.
Yes. Its radical but it works.
When you STOP trying to stop, that first beat yourself up voice is OFF the table. They get quiet and you can begin to relax into exploring: What do you seek from drinking? How do you REALLY feel after 1, 2....6 drinks? What are the underground beliefs that you have absorbed that start getting questioned (I sleep better, I'm funnier, more relaxed, dealing with stress, celebrating and on and on and on.) Really. Once you start asking WHY do you drink, it starts the detective work.
This part is NOT a free pass to get loaded.
It is a time to be real. With yourself. Look at what you REALLY want. How do you want to FEEL?
What about your life would be better without so much alcohol? More delight in your family? More energy for your work? A look in the mirror that renews your inner smile about yourself?
We often have lots of blind spots around alcohol and that's where coaching comes in.
To explore your truth without judgement, without labels. without hiding.... its a game changer and how the steps towards freedom unfold.
Feeling present with your family, having new energy on your days off, waking up in the mornings able to manage your busy life is the life waiting for you.
I can say, without a doubt that coaching will get you there FASTER, EASIER. With a BIG dose of humor and compassion.
Reach out to explore how it can work for you.
It is SO worth it....
xo
Martha
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