Thresholds

Its New Years,

New starts,

New beginnings.

New transitions.

Why is there a picture of my pups?

There's a story about these two. They seem so connected and easy with each other right?

But in the beginning, it was QUITE the transition.

I brought Ruby, the black pup home when Lena was 5. Lena had always been easy at "Dog Camp", But now, in her own space, she would claim her territory with the bouncy puppy. ANY time Ruby came into the house, into the kitchen, too close to Lena's bed, she would signal with subtle signs that Ruby needed to back off, which Ruby did.

We worked on giving each their own space. They would play well together outside, Lena so tolerant, but the doorways became worrisome for Ruby. She'd hesitate to come in or out of the house until Lena was clearly out of the way.

Isn't it like our own transitions? How we approach them, how others around us react to them can make all the difference. To have others around us with support makes all the difference.

In a laboring Mama, the time of transition gets presented as frightening, overwhelming, shaking, out of control etc etc.

Geez.

Not to say this isn't true for SOME, but transition can also be mystical, magical, LIMINAL (between 2 worlds), a holy space. If the Mama is kept warm, loved, in a dark room, with gentle music, soothing hands, minimal interruptions, instead of that adrenaline, fight or flight response, there is an other-worldly, sleepy place where women can dream between contractions (as would those surrounding her). Its a quiet "setting". Can we simply allow it? Nurture it. Promote it? Trust it? Inevitably, after a bit, that familiar sound of PUSHING comes forward towards the time to birth. AMAZING.

And as we move into the New Year, rather than force something, create harsh boundaries, feel afraid so we cling to our old ways, can we nurture ourselves and others during transitions?

For those trying out Dry January, or simply getting curious about the role of alcohol, does it have to be scary? Hard? Rigid? It can be. It was for me in the beginning. But then I found others who were in it with me.

I WAS terrified to go over the threshold and look at my pattern of drinking. I had SO many external AND internal beliefs/fears. What will others think? How could I go to a holiday party? How could I get through time with my extended family? (etc etc!!!) WHAT does it MEAN that I'm drinking more than I like???

Like Ruby I wasn't sure whether to go through the door. My drinking, had seemed too big, scary, and I didn't know how to move forward. I was in that fight/flight/fear mode.

And then, and then, I found the nurturing I needed to trust, to go through the doorway into curiosity, with gentle kindness. It was with OTHERS. With COACHES who had been where I was.

I found a HUGE nest of safety, and compassion. I met SO MANY also looking at the myths of alcohol. I could be at EASE, and approach the transition feeling loved, cared for, with all the gentle support that made the transition to life without alcohol an amazing rather than frightening experience.

You are NOT alone. You DON"T need to go through the transition into change with fear and trembling. It took me so long to figure that out. Like the Mama well cared for when she is in labor, we ALL need the support/nurturing/non-judgemental compassion to feel safe exploring new ways of living.

I am honored to be that midwife with you into this new journey.

xo Martha

PS: I am happy to say that with lots of treats, games, respect for their own needs, Ruby and Lena are pals. The thresholds are no longer frightening or needing protection.